Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
