thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
