Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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