Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
