I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
