I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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