I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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