he shaved USA in his pubs
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
