he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
