Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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