You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
