just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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