so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
