And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
