I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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