Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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