im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
