i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Randomize
