youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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