So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
