I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
