his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
