He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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