Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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