Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize