I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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