you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
