shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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