I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
