I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
