I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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