Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
