after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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