but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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