I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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