Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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