you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
