When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
