You made me cry and you don't even care
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
