Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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