i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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