Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
