She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
