Just fell off a train. Bad.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dick very happy bro
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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