Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you would pick up someone in the library
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
