I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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