Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
