in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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