butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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