If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
