I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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