I cockslap morals
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Can you bring me the toilet please
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
