After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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