My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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