You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
