why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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