Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
