No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
