According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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