actually, I'm a sock model
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
