god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Soap is not a condiment
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
