I wish I only lived at night.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
