so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
