Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
