literally had 100 drinks last night.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
