If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I feel like a drive thru vagina
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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