and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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