either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
