I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
