i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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