i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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