Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
