I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
