I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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