Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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