That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
