you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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