apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
