Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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