He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
