So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
