the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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